A Confident Faith

Do you think that God will be any poorer for giving you the riches he has promised?

Do you dream that he will be any less holy for giving you holiness?

Do you imagine he will be any less pure for washing you of your sins?

- Charles Spurgeon

As Spurgeon writes, one of the greatest displays of our faith is when we ask God for things. So often, I do not ask people for help because I fear I might inconvenience them. Or I do not believe that they can actually help me.

I do the same thing with God. Despite the fact that he has promised me inheritance in his kingdom and that his mansion has many rooms, I am often meek in approaching his throne. If only I had the faith of the sick woman in Matthew 9, who said, "If I only touch his cloak, then I will be healed."

My goal for this year is to recognize God better. God is not the all-knowing wise man on the mountain that I must trudge up for advice and knowledge. Nor is he the fortified king before which we must tremble and seek mercy.

No, he is a lamb. He shares in the sufferings and struggles that I have. He walks among us and relates with us. And through him is offered healing, rest and glory.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; know and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the ones who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

-Luke 11:9-10

Tutu

Catching up on reading today:

I'm not optimistic, no. I'm quite different. I'm hopeful. I am a prisoner of hope. In the world, you have very bad people-- Hitler, Idi Amin-- and they look like they are going to win. All of them-- all of them-- have bitten the dust.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu in "10 Questions", Time Magazine, 22 March 2010

Reminds me of an old David Wilcox favorite of mine:

"Show the Way"- David Wilcox

Click the link. Read the lyrics. You can click "play" under the title and hear the song. It's a song about hope. Tutu and Wilcox say the same thing: that evil will not win because, just like in those superhero comics I read growing up, the hero is more powerful. The hero is good.

Control

Recently, I have been struggling with my need for control. Audra, who has assisted me in track for the last five or six seasons, constantly slams me as a control freak. Don't fret-- Audra is amazing and she slams me very lovingly. And she's right. John, my assistant wrestling coach of the last 4 seasons, would testify the same.

It's just me. I have to be in control. I probably work too hard because I find it difficult to delegate. I prefer to be the driver, because I am in control. I gravitated towards individual sports such as wrestling and track and field in high school because I did not have to depend on others to get me the ball, set a screen or block up front (though I adored running the sprint relays). I like biking fast-- but only if I am in control. I don't do drugs or get drunk, not as much for a moral reason but because the result is I lose control.

The part of me that needs control probably stems from two things: a lack of faith and my own insecurities. I struggle with faith and trust. My entire faith has been a struggle of faith. Many relationships have been damaged because of issues of trust. The few times I have to miss wrestling practice or I am caught in a meeting, John likes to say, "Thank you for trusting me with practice". Part of it is jokingly, because he understands how little I like to give up that control. Part of it is sincere, because I think he understands that he has my trust and confidence.

I believe that the other issue is rooted in my feelings of inadequacy. If I do not prove myself constantly, then I am a failure. I must always be in control because, going back to trust, if someone else falls short it reflects on me. And then I fail. So I choose to do it myself. Much of my life has been trying to prove that I was adequate as a teacher, coach, friend, brother, student, athlete or whatever I was trying to be at the moment.

On the cross, Christ said "It is finished" (John 19:30). There lies the beauty of the Gospel. There's nothing to prove. It was finished there on Calvary. All my failures do not define me. Part of the glorious nature of the Bible is that it was filled with "failures": Moses, Jacob, David, Peter, Thomas, Paul.

If nothing else, all the snow we have received this winter reminded me that I am not in control. The cancellations of school, wrestling and constant adjustment we've had to make to our lives are reminders that no matter how much we think we have it together, we are not in control. There are things in our lives that our out of our control. The question of faith is: Do I believe the things out of my control are under control? If I do, there is hope for relationships, careers, dreams and desires.

There is hope for me yet. I'll come around, I'm working on it.

30 Years

Last weekend, I made the drive with my brother and nieces (detoured because of the I-40 rockslide) to Knoxville to visit my family's "sponsors". Lloyd and Patricia Smith brought my family to the United States from Cambodia back in 1979. I've always loved them and been thankful for their role in our lives, but now that I am an adult I have a new appreciation for them.

Mr. Smith was a dairy farmer in Maryville, Tennessee. In addition to cows, he and Mrs. Smith were also raising 4 children. In the middle of their lives-- trying to operate a farm and raise a family-- they took a social and financial risk on a refugee family whom they had never met, which they had no idea how to communicate and who were oblivious to the customs and traditions of this new country that would become our home.

Recently, I have been trying to wrap my mind around what sort of leap of faith it required to be willing to welcome total strangers into your comfort zone. Not just welcome them for a weekend or long vacation, but for the rest of your life. And it was not just one or two people, but an entire family that included a teenager, two younger children and a cranky infant (and that's not including my little brother who was on the way). The Smiths were not wealthy people, but what they had an abundance of was love and faith.

This family, with lots of love and patience, taught us about corn, how to speak English, to feed cows, how to drive and took us to church. They sold out to us; providing us with every opportunity to be successful in our new land. Not once have they ever asked for anything in return. I have seen lots of grace in my life, few so great as the grace that was shown to my family some 30 years ago.

So This is Life

I heard this on sports radio yesterday while talking about what we should value in our lives:

"Someone to love;
something to hope for;
something to believe in."

The Love of Jesus

Just some observations on how awesome the followers of Jesus are and what an amazing job they do of being Christ-like.

1) The War on Christmas - CNN article: Heated debate again over 'War on Christmas' claims

- Maybe I am weak in my faith when I don't find it a big deal that other people celebrate Christmas differently than I do.
- Maybe I am too secular and liberal when I acknowledge that Happy Holidays could include something other than Christmas: Chanukah, Kwanzaa, New Years, and Festivus (yes, there will be an "Airing of Grievances" as part of my holiday celebration).
- Maybe there are things more important to me than the semantics of the holiday/Christmas season.
- Maybe I SHOULD be more offended that my very faith, the birth of my Savior, is being marginalized by the masses.
- Maybe I am just crazy to think that Jesus, who I truly believed walked on water, healed the lame, raised the dead, turned water to wine, gave the blind sight and conquered death, is big enough to take care of himself.

2) Citizen-Times: Asheville councilman atheism debate goes viral: Cecil Bothwell gets wide audience

In case you don't want to click the linky, here's the synopsis: Asheville elects Cecil Bothwell to city council. Cecil Bothwell is an atheist (actually, he calls himself "Post-theist"). NC Constitution has a provision barring atheist from taking office. Some within the community want NC to uphold this clause (despite the fact that the US Supreme Court would not uphold it-- federal laws trump state laws). Thanks to the attention brought, big hoopla follows and Asheville's city council election becomes talked about across the country in various outlets.

There are some within our country who hope for a theocracy. Saudi Arabia and Iran are theocracies and things seem to be working out really well there. Oh, but they're Muslim states.

Yeah, I forgot how glorious Christian theocracies were in the papal states of the Holy Roman Empire. There was no corruption, abuse of power and trying to convince the masses that the sun revolved around the earth. Remember, the Act of Supremacy (1534) made Henry VIII the head of the English Church. That worked out well for his six wives. The Puritans, who ironically fled England for religious freedom, even more ironically established a theocratic state in which there was no religious freedom. Not Puritan? Move on to New Amsterdam or down south to Virginia. Roger Williams fled Puritan Massachusetts and established Rhode Island-- a colony founded on the principle of separation of church and state. That colony became a haven for the persecuted, such as Quakers and Jews.

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For good reason, I'm not Jesus. Sometimes, however, I try to put myself in his shoes-- er, sandals. Remember, I'm not Emmanuel, God with us, the King of Kings-- but if I were, I think I would not be so harsh on those who do not see the way I do. Truly, I might try to hang out with them. Maybe see if they wanna get coffee at the Dripolator or Black Bear.

But I'm not Jesus...

Merry Christmas!

The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)
John 4:9